Uncharted Waters

Dan is officially at home now. We cleaned out his truck last Friday night. It was not fun. I knew this day was coming but that didn't make it any easier. I drove there after work and packed up my car in the dark and in the pouring rain and we came home. We had a late dinner at his favorite Grand Rapids restaurant, Arnie's. That was the only pleasant aspect of the evening.

This past week he has spent much of his time sitting in the recliner in the living room. Getting upstairs is "like climbing Mount Everest" to put it lightly. His back surgery is set for November 19th. I am looking forward to it.

I feel like we are entering a new phase of our lives. We are entering into "uncharted waters" and I don't like it. No one asked me what I like. No one asked Dan. I didn't want to end the last chapter.

I am afraid to spend any money as we don't know how this is even possible financially. He has no disability money to look forward to. I even asked the Physician Assistant yesterday at our appointment if we should just file now for permanent disability and he told me not to. We need to do the surgery first and then evaluate. I pay my mortgage with what? I am thankful I don't have a car payment. I can only stretch meals so far. Four people eat a lot of food. Four cats eat a lot of cat food and don't even get me started on the amount of cat litter they use!

I am taking this new chapter day by day. That is all anyone can do. When I think of Christmas coming and Stefanie's birthday on it's way, I get a scared feeling in my veins. I know the girls are not children waiting on Santa but still,,,,I don't want to totally disappoint them. And I do know they can take disappointment.

Well, off to the grocery store. I have my list, my coupons, and my returnables. Life will be good again.