Sunday, November 22, 2009

Unoffical Holiday

When I was a kid and my mother was struggling with Multiple Sclerosis I remember her having days where she was teary eyed and sad. When I would ask her what was wrong she would say to me that it was "Feel Sorry For Virginia Day". The next day things were back to normal and we went on with our life. She knew she couldn't dwell on life's complications and waste her precious time feeling sorry for herself. Hopefully I learned from that example.

Today isn't marked on the calendar but it is officially "Feel Sorry For Janet Day". I am celebrating by myself and then I will fold some laundry and run to the store for green beans and my Sunday paper.

Dan spent his third night in the hospital after his back surgery. I think he is doing OK but his legs are very weak and I am worried about dealing with the home situation. Meanwhile he is anxious to come home to recuperate. I am so afraid he will fall. He doesn't want to go to rehab. He also won't eat if I'm not at the hospital ordering his food.

I'm glad this holiday doesn't come around often.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Yes We Have One More Day

Today we call the hospital for the arrival time for tomorrow's surgery. We were already told it might be 530 am. No sleep for us as Dan plans on staying up all night so he will be ready on time.

Last night as Dan was heading for the stairs to go to bed, I told him, "You know you are driving us crazy". He replied, "I'm driving myself crazy". Hmmmmm. That's interesting.

He crawled up the stairs on his hands and knees with me pushing from behind. This will be the last time until the surgery. Life has become interesting. Not good. Just interesting. Challenging for sure.

We actually slept last night. I'm sure Stefanie slept also as Dan wasn't up all night walking around bumping into things and stomping his numb feet. Danielle wasn't taking any chances as she didn't come home.

Off to work I go for my last day. Dan will sleep in as he isn't going anywhere today.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Two Days to Go

I actually slept last night. Of course Dan woke me up a few times. My head shot off the pillow but I heard nothing for a nano second and exhaustion took over and I fell back to sleep.

Danielle was not so lucky and she yelled downstairs at us this morning to be quiet. It wouldn't be so bad if he slept at night while the rest of us are desparately trying to get some tidbits of sleep. No, he roams around all night, bumping into things, stomping his numb feet so he doesn't fall and basically makes us all miserable. Water boarding would be nothing compared to this torture.

Well off to work for the day. Dan will nap in the recliner while the rest of us try to function. Thank heaven for hot coffee. Two more days until the back surgery. Hopefully the hospital will turn him around and he will sleep at night so the rest of us can too.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Three Days to Go

I think part of my problem with this countdown of days is the constant cooking. I am not used to Dan being home so much and he is used to being able to belly up to the food bar whenever he wanted to at his favorite truckstops across the country.

We barely finish one meal and he is talking about the next meal. And the shopping and the planning. I want out! Help! I need sleep. And who knows when I am going to get that night's sleep. I am a whiner. Officially. I said it. Three more days.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Four Days To Go

I get up this morning and come dowmstairs for coffee. Dan is in the recliner in front of the TV. I take a sip of my coffee and Dan proclaims, "When you are done here, I will let you know what I want for breakfast."

I offer up eggs and toast. He says, "No. I want a big salad".

I visualize chopping vegetables with one eye as I wasn't properly caffienated yet. It takes two big mugs of coffee to get both eyes open.

This is going to be a long week.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Five More Days

Five more days until Dan's surgery. On Thursday we went to Dan's primary doctor and got the EKG and the official "blessing" from that doctor to go ahead with the surgery. Dan finally understands he cannot take any Ibuprofen until after the surgery. When his doctor explained why, he merely sat and nodded and said, "Oh, I didn't know that". When I had explained it, he said, "I don't care! I need it"!

It is going to be a long 5 days. Dan's days and nights are turned around. I need a good night's sleep. So do the girls. Danielle yelled at me this morning as she was headed out for her volunteer work with "Habitat For Humanity" and then work after that. Dan's voice is loud and our walls are paper thin evidently. Dan doesn't understand how his voice carries and when I remind him, he gets mad at me. So Danielle blames me and so does he. Five more days......

Monday, November 9, 2009

I Have Won 2 Battles But The War Isn't Over Yet

This caretaking thing wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have to fight about everything. I say, "Your feet are swelling. You should put your feet up. You are sitting in a recliner you know".

He replies, "I don't want to".

I reply, "People with swollen feet don't have a choice. Now RECLINE Damn it"!

The next day, I say casually, "We need to get a stool for the shower so you can sit and use the attachment to rinse off".

Husband replies, "I don't want a stool. I want my back FIXED"!

I say, "I know you do but for now we need a stool for the shower".

After a fun-filled afternoon of the husband going in and out of the shower to rest/soap up/rest/rinse off he admits we need a stool for the shower.

Wish I had thought of that.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Uncharted Waters

Dan is officially at home now. We cleaned out his truck last Friday night. It was not fun. I knew this day was coming but that didn't make it any easier. I drove there after work and packed up my car in the dark and in the pouring rain and we came home. We had a late dinner at his favorite Grand Rapids restaurant, Arnie's. That was the only pleasant aspect of the evening.

This past week he has spent much of his time sitting in the recliner in the living room. Getting upstairs is "like climbing Mount Everest" to put it lightly. His back surgery is set for November 19th. I am looking forward to it.

I feel like we are entering a new phase of our lives. We are entering into "uncharted waters" and I don't like it. No one asked me what I like. No one asked Dan. I didn't want to end the last chapter.

I am afraid to spend any money as we don't know how this is even possible financially. He has no disability money to look forward to. I even asked the Physician Assistant yesterday at our appointment if we should just file now for permanent disability and he told me not to. We need to do the surgery first and then evaluate. I pay my mortgage with what? I am thankful I don't have a car payment. I can only stretch meals so far. Four people eat a lot of food. Four cats eat a lot of cat food and don't even get me started on the amount of cat litter they use!

I am taking this new chapter day by day. That is all anyone can do. When I think of Christmas coming and Stefanie's birthday on it's way, I get a scared feeling in my veins. I know the girls are not children waiting on Santa but still,,,,I don't want to totally disappoint them. And I do know they can take disappointment.

Well, off to the grocery store. I have my list, my coupons, and my returnables. Life will be good again.