Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ten Rules for Being a Good Patient

Jeanne did a post this morning stating the rules she has learned in her 55 years. Well I am 57 so I must have learned a couple of things. I kind of thought about this as I was working today so this is from a health care worker/patient perspective.

1. Don't show up for your appointment on the wrong day and demand to be seen even though your doctor is not in the office.

2. If your cleavage is wrinkled please cover it up.

3. If you are so fat you need a double-wide wheelchair please bring someone to push you around the office. Don't project the attitude that it is my problem that you are fat. I didn't feed you Twinkies.

4. Don't refuse to fill out paperwork when you are a new patient. We need all that crap.

5. When you go to the eye doctor wear your glasses. Some people think we want to see how poorly they see without glasses. We don't.

6. Don't schedule your other doctor's appointment across town at the same time as your appointment with us and then get mad at us because you are going to be late.

7. If you beg for a cancellation appointment please don't tell me you can't make it because your dog has a appointment at the groomer's this afternoon and you won't be able to come in.

8. When I explain the whole electonic prescription process we are doing now, don't go to the checkout counter and ask why we didn't give you a paper prescription.

9. If you have to go to the bathrooom, please don't wait until I call you back to the exam room. You have been to our office 100 times and you know the bathroom is out by the elevator.

10. Please take a shower before you come in for your appointment. If you see employees walking around behind you with a spray can that isn't Easy Cheese in that can. If my eyes are watering when I talk to you it isn't because I got something in my eye. It is because you stink!!!

Now these are just a few things I have learned working with patients for 20 some years. I was actually surprised how easily these came to me which makes me think there must be a lot more in my head. I think I had better keep them in my head. Some things are better left unsaid.


Jeanne said...

These are GREAT! I'm so proud to be the source of your inspiration, and especially like #2. Why do old women do that? Anything that in any way resembles a raisin should be covered! (Preferably with a good dark chocolate.)

Far Side of Fifty said...

Great rules! :)

Vodka Mom said...

I'd like to comment but I'm off to cover up m wrinkled boobs!!!

Jan said...

It was scarey how easy these rules came to me. Then I started thinking about those patients that are talking on their cell phones and they tell the doctor to wait while they finish their conversation. I could go on and on......

Anonymous said...

How funny! It must be hard working in health care, how do you stay nice to everyone?
As the other ladies, I'll go cover up my chest.

Debbie said...

I was going to comment on the whole wrinkled cleavage issue but I see that Jeanne has done a fine job of that already! This was a great list. Especially the showering.

T said...

OMG those are so funny. The cleavage comment and Jeanne's reply, LOL!!

Anonymous said...

I kinda think all the vast majority of all cleavage should be covered - a little peek might be okay, but I don't want to see the whole show.

Love the rules - I will try not to be a pain in butt patient.

Jeanne said...

To your comment on my Club Diva post -- I think you need to get some pictures from her and do a "Parade of Mullets" post. Then I can send the link to my daughter (just because I love her doesn't mean I don't like to torture her sometimes).

Jane said...

These are great! I could add to that list. I am in private practice for rehab, and we have many of the same problems. I love it when everyone in the house has a raging cold or flu, or the child has been up half the night hurling, and we do not get a call to cancel our visit. Or better yet, I love it when the child is sick and/or has not slept, and the parent gets mad at us because the child would not respond to therapy!