Thursday, June 4, 2009

Some People Just Shouldn't Be Left Home Alone

OK so in my mind I fantasized a weekend where I would eat what I wanted, go where I wanted, and read for hours on end lying on the couch eating out of the ice cream carton. It started out that way seriously.....

I had a real nice Saturday doing exactly as I pleased. I went to the library, shopped at Meijer, sat outside in the grass with my two cats. The weather was nice. I was happy. The cats love being outdoors and I had them in their harnesses and tied their leashes together. For some reason when cats are on leashes they really don't go anywhere. That is why you can't walk a cat on a leash like a dog. And since I tied the leashes together and cats can't agree on a direction, they just hang out and enjoy the day. We sat in the front yard and enjoyed the beautiful weather. Life was good.

Then I decided to water my flowers and had to run in the house to fill my water pitcher. I watered the hanging baskets but when I tried to get back into the house through the garage I realized I was locked out of the house!!!!! Again!!!!! The garage door just locks whenever it feels like it and has been doing this to me for years. Some people just don't learn from their previous bad experiences.

The last time I locked myself out I took the ladder from the garage and pried the dining room screen out and climbed in head first onto a dining room chair. This time my heart sank as I realized that the ladder was upstairs in Stef's bedroom. I used it to pull down the wallpaper border last weekend. So now my brain went into overdrive. I emptied two brown plastic crates from the garage, and stood on the two stacked crates. I am tall but I still couldn't get myself up to the right height. My windows are higher than I remembered. So in a burst of mental activity I ran around the house and emptied 150 feet of garden hose out of the plastic deck box. I ignored the bees buzzing in and out of the box. No time for my fear of bees today.

I drag the deck box around to the side of the house and stand it on end. It is higher than the two stacked crates. Up I go on the crates and then a knee onto the deck box. I'm glad I didn't look down at this point or I don't think I would have made it into the dining room. Not fun to enter the dining room head first with your feet out in space. Also nice to know that someone had to have seen me do this and I guess they just chuckled to themselves and drove on by.

Meanwhile the two leashed and harnessed cats are just eating grass and gazing around enjoying themselves. I come out of the house and put away the crates and then drag the deck box back onto the deck and I am so tired at this point that I don't lift my foot high enough on the top step and trip, stub my big toe and fall down onto the box. Up I go and back goes the hose into the box. The cats and I go inside and onto the couch I go with ice on my toe.


T said...

Oh Geez!!
I am sorry about the TOE!! OUCH!!

Reading your second paragraph, everything seemed so nice and peaceful, you and the cats enjoying the nice fresh air....then it went down hill from there, at least for you!!

You poor thing!!

flydragon said...


Eliza said...

LOL, sounds like the sort of thing i do :-)

Dedene said...

I'm laughing, sorry! At least you know that it will take some really dedicated thiefs to break in to your house.

K said...

Well, at least you have a good story to tell.

I'm not sure I'd even know how to break into my house. Maybe I better hide a key.

Jane! said...

So sorry about your toe but wish I could see the video of you going through the window. Ha!

We have one of those stupid handles on our side door that don't seem to be locked from the inside. So more times than I will admit, I have gone out to get the paper in the morning and when I opened the storm door to come back in, it sucked the inside door shut. And there I stand, in various states of undress, ringing and knocking while the rest of the family pretends not to hear. At least the dog comes out the dog door and keeps me company.

Jeanne said...


I fell on Tuesday, carrying a foot bath to the toilet to empty it. My feet got tangled in the cord. I did not, fortunately, land with my face in the bowl, but I have the most hellacious bruise on my arm. It's made me decide I never want a tattoo. Particularly not one that looks like an eggplant.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Too funny..but I am sorry about your toe..hide a key!! :)